


Don't let him slip through your fingers.

by Kxng



Category: GOT7, TWICE (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Medicinal Drug Use, Overdosing, Past Relationship(s), Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-06 23:59:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8774995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kxng/pseuds/Kxng
Summary: Seokjin falls for someone without a soulmate mark,He's carefree,he's like water,He'll slip through your fingers if you don't hold him tightly enough.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it with Namjin because what else would I write
> 
> Also this chapter is pretty short because it's just kind of a beginning the chapters will get longer from here on!
> 
> I try my best to get a chapter out every week!  
> I may or may not stick to my schedule but i try my best to get one out in a week or sooner!

The way they met each other was not your average cheesy meeting.

 

 

Seokjin's sister Dahyun decided to throw a party, originally Seokjin was against it but _“It won't be a big party!”_ Dahyun had said so Seokjin gave in. It was one of the last days of summer break and they would have to g back to college and their dorms tomorrow. Dahyun and Seokjin had the house of their parents for themselves and Dahyun saw the opportunity and took it.

 

Yet here he was, standing in the living room surrounded by at least a couple of hundred people inside their house and another hundred outside of their house.

Dahyun was, obviously, having the time of her life with Sana, Tzuyu and Jihyo.

Her other two friends were making out in the corner of the house somewhere.

 

Seokjin was standing in the living room making sure Jeongguk and Jimin wouldn't break any of their limbs as they decided to have a dance off which Hoseok was the judge of as he was dubbed 'dance master' after the last couple of parties they've been to he'd always challenge someone to battle him.

Taehyung was excitedly supporting for both of his friends whilst Yoongi was standing next to Seokjin trying to pretend he didn't know the idiots.

 

“I'm going outside for some fresh air” Seokjin said as he dismissively waved his hand towards Jeongguk, Jimin, Taehyung and Hoseok “You'll be able to keep them in tow right?” he asked Yoongi, who sighed and nodded “Yeah,” and with that Seokjin left them in Yoongi's care.

 

Seokjin hadn't even left the opening of the front door and he was already met with some stranger petting Jjangu, Seokjin's dog.

Seokjin stared at the girl for a few moments who was sitting on the ground petting the dog as she giggled, “Dogs are great” she said to no one in particular.

“What are you doing with my dog?” Seokjin asked genuinely confused as to why and how Jjangu even got outside.

“Is this your dog?” the girl asked and Jin nodded “Dogs are great, like they're your best friend.” she started rambling before a guy showed up.

 

“Mina, she's here” he yelled as he walked towards the girl who was still talking about dogs excitedly.

“Man this dog is amazing” she said as she noticed the guy had kneeled next to her who was laughing at her behavior.

 

“Jeongyeon, where the hell have you been” a girl with long black hair asked as she kneeled next to the girl, “You're absolutely wasted” she said with a sigh “You're damn lucky I love you or else I would've kicked your ass for this”

The girl— Jeongyeon, laughed as she let go Jjangu “I love you too Mina” she said drunkenly before leaning onto Mina and the other guy who pulled her to her feet. 

“I'm so sorry if she caused you any trouble” the guy said, “She gets kind of clingy when she's drunk”

 

Seokjin shook his head “Ah, no it's fine she didn't cause any trouble” he laughed.

Mina and the guy smiled back at him as they steadied Jeongyeon, “I'm glad, You're Dahyun's brother right? Jin” she asked and Jin nodded, he wanted to correct her on his name but he was known as Jin to most people so he didn't make a big deal of it. “Well it was nice meeting you but I think it's better if we go” the guy laughed “I don't think you'd like to deal with Jeongyeon's throw up, 't was nice meeting you Jin” he said as they carefully dragged Jeongyeon with them who was saying her goodbyes to Jjangu.

 

“wait I never got your name?” Jin said to the guy who smiled he opened his mouth but Jeongyeon introduced him to Jin “Rapmon” she grinned sheepishly pointing at the guy— Rapmon who laughed “Let's go with that” 

 

Jin was about to question it when he heard something break in the living room and he ran towards the sound where it appeared to be that Jeongguk and Jimin had broken a vase in their intense dance battle, Seokjin sighed deep as he saw Yoongi throwing daggers with his eyes towards Hoseok who'd promised that

_nothing will go wrong!_

 

 

It was four AM when everyone had left and it was five AM when Dahyun and Seokjin had cleaned everything, it was half past five when they finally slept and it was half past seven when they woke up again to pack their stuff to go back to campus again.

 

“It's too early for this” Dahyun whined as he leaned against Seokjin's body,

“Your fault you wanted to give a party” he deadpanned as he shrugged her off of him, their parents would be back just in time to say their goodbyes. “Just pack your bags you can sleep again in the car, you're lucky I'm the one driving”

Seokjin didn't even need to wake up to pack his  _own_ bags, he'd already done that the night before because he knew this would happen and he'd need to help Dahyun pack  _her_ bags before she'd break out in panic. 

 

Their parents were home just as they walked out of the house,

 

Their mother hugged them and gave them a kiss on the cheek talking about how she'd miss them and how grown up they are and Dahyun rolled her eyes, cheeks red from embarrassment as she whined a “Mom”

They threw their bags in Seokjin's black pick up truck, they'd first drive to Yoongi's house where they'd all gather and drive to college from there.

 

“Maybe you'll have more luck finding your soulmate this year Jinnie” his mom said before waving them off.

 

Ah yes soulmates, the name of the person tattooed on your body that you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life or something. People cared a lot about finding  _the one,_ Dahyun had been very lucky to have met Tzuyu when they were very young.

Seokjin's mother was totally set on the idea of her  _Jinnie_ finding his soulmate. 

 

“yeah yeah,” he said “Bye mom, dad, Love you” he and Dahyun said as they waved their parents goodbye.

 

They parked the big pick up in front of Yoongi's house where Yoongi's own car was parked and Momo's car was parked in front of Jin's.

 

Dahyun sleepily stepped out of the pick up to greet their friends who were sitting in Yoongi's yard waiting for the others, so far only Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Momo and Chaeyoung were there so they'd have to wait for Jeongguk, Taehyung, Tzuyu and Sana.

 

“ready for another semester?” Jin asked as he saw Yoongi's scowl being even worse today than normally, Yoongi looked at him “woohoo another fucking year of prison, can't wait for my death” he said sarcastically and Hoseok grinned as he pulled Yoongi back into his chest, “It's because we won't be rooming together, _again_ ” he said accusingly, “You're too loud to room with” Yoongi simply said “Jin hyung is a lot calmer and tolerable” 

Hoseok gasped as he clutched his chest dramatically, “Maybe we were never meant to be soulmates” he says and Yoongi snorts “I would be free at last”

 

Dahyun sat down next to Momo and Chaeyoung who were laughing at the couples' antics,

 

“Get a room” Seokjin said as he sat down next to Yoongi and Hoseok.

“Would love to but you're kind off rooming with my boyfriend” Hoseok said.

 

“Don't be salty hyung!” Jeongguk said as he and Taehyung walked towards them,

“Look who decided to show up on time” Yoongi said “Brat number one and two”

Taehyung and Jeongguk scoffed as they sat down next to Jimin.

 

“it would be nice if Sana and Tzuyu would show up on time” Momo said looking up from her phone, “They said they'll be here in two minutes but I wouldn't count on that”

“Give them a chance” Chaeyoung said “They might show up in two minutes”

“They only live two streets down the road” Yoongi said dismissively.

 

“The later they are the better” Hoseok said “I'm not really jumping to go to college again”

 

“It can't be that bad right?” Jeongguk and Dahyun said, both attending as freshmen.

 

“It's okay if you're popular which, being family of Kim Seokjin, won't be hard” Yoongi said to Dahyun, “Good looks are like running in the family people will throw themselves at your feet”

 

“But luckily he isn't part of that stupid group of cool guys, they're like the 'hotter' and 'cooler' people” Hoseok said, “I heard they once beat up a student who called them pretentious asses”

 

Momo sighed “I told you they're not like that”

“I'd rather not find out” Hoseok said again.

 

“Teachers will despise you, one nighters will become a regular habit and parties will destroy you because you want to stay social” Chaeyoung said.

 

“Who will despise who?” Sana asked as she and Tzuyu walked towards their group of friends,

 

“Never mind that let's just get going” Momo said “Wouldn't want to get there late” and the others nodded in agreement,

 

Everyone loaded their bags and boxes in Jin's pick up.

 

Tzuyu and Dahyun got into the pick up truck with Jin where they both fell asleep after only driving for ten minutes.

 

Momo, Chaeyoung, Jeongguk and Taehyung were in a car together and Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin and Sana in the other.

 

 

 

 

The second time Seokjin saw Rapmon was when moving, they had just arrived at campus and they were getting their stuff to move in when he saw him again with Jeongyeon, a girl and a guy who Seokjin didn't know.

 

“Jin” Jeongyeon called out and surprised him, “I'm sorry about the dog thing” she said sheepishly “I didn't mean to bother you like that” Rapmon and the other two laughed.

“It's fine Jeongyeon” Jin said,

Jeongyeon seemed to notice Jin was busy “Ah! Sorry for disturbing you, I hope moving in works out fine”

 

“Maybe you should stop talking so much Jeongyeon” Rapmon said, “Maybe it could keep you out of trouble for a while”

Jeongyeon just stuck her tongue out before walking off with the other two as Rapmon stayed behind, “Need some help?”

“If it's not too much trouble _Rapmon_ ” he said laughing as he said the name, Rapmon took some of Jin's bags before walking together with him to his new dorm. 

Rapmon and Jin talked a lot and Jin learned that Rapmon was a music major, roomed together with Jeongyeon and Mina, he had a dog called Rapmon, how ironic, which they kept at their dorm because apparently they were able to pull some strings and he's a sophomore. He started college late because he studied in New Zealand for two years and has an IQ of 148. Seokjin didn't learn a lot about him but only the things you'd get to know making small talk, he couldn't deny that hanging around Rapmon was nice.

 

 

The third time is when Seokjin gets to know his real name, it wasn't him who said it but it was Yoongi who said it.

“Didn't know you had a crush on Kim Namjoon” he said nonchalant as he caught Seokjin look up as soon as he heard the younger man's voice,

“What? so that's his name” he said,

“Yeah, music major, good rapper a lot of potential” Yoongi said short “Also one of the clique we've all agreed to dislike” he said pointing over to the group huddled together.

Seokjin looked up to notice that they were indeed standing huddled together.

 

Seokjin only knew a few by name and others by face,

Jeongyeon and Mina were there and he knew Mark Tuan and his boyfriend Park Jinyoung he shared a few classes with the Seniors.

 

“They added some new freshmen to their clique” Yoongi said pointing to two boys rather tall, Seokjin looked up to see Jeongguk walking towards the two freshmen as Yoongi scoffed “Of course the brat's involved with them”

 

Seokjin was never a fan of the way how Yoongi would call the younger ones—Sometimes even the older ones, in their circle of friends. But by now everyone knew Yoongi never meant the things he said like that, t

 

“Let him be,” Seokjin said “You know it's hard for him to make friends, you're also not his dad” Seokjin chuckled as he said the last part earning a raised brow form Yoongi “Says the one who's basically his mom”

 

“Am not”

 

“Are too”

 

it went back and forth like that for a while until Seokjin gave up in defeat and looked up to see Jeongguk talk animatedly to the taller freshmen in the huddled group. Seokjin's eyes traveled over to Jimin who was sitting on the opposite site of the table next to Yoongi. He was looking at Jeongguk but quickly looked down and continued his conversation with Taehyung.

 

Seokjin looked up again only to be met with _Rapmon,_ No _Namjoon,_ staring right back at him flashing him a dimply smile throwing Seokjin off guard with how cute and uncharacteristic it was.

 

“You're heating up” Yoongi said bluntly before Hoseok joined them at the table,

“Who, what, where?” Hoseok asked.

 

“Jin fancies Namjoon”

 

“What?!”

 

“I do not”

 

“Hyung why didn't you tell me you liked pretentious assholes?” Hoseok whined mocking him,

 

Seokjin sighed “He's not like that”

Hoseok gasped “You're beginning to sound like Momo!”

Yoongi hit Hoseok, “Namjoon is not that pretentious as the others but yeah” Seokjin would kick Yoongi and Hoseok if he wasn't so nice,

He looked up again only to see Namjoon signaling him to come over, Seokjin looked at him with a questioning gaze as he pointed at himself as Namjoon laughed and nodded his head as in _“yes you, who else would I be signaling to”_

 

“Just go” Yoongi said, “You'll change your mind about him sooner or later” Hoseok added before Jin walked away and shot him an angry glare.

 

Seokjin walked towards Namjoon who laughed,

“You and your friends aren't good at talking quietly,” he said and Seokjin turned red from embarrassment,   
“I'm so sorry” he said.

“It's fine, the entire campus seems to think I am a pretentious asshole playboy anyways” he snorts,

“Are you?” Seokjin asked,

Namjoon shook his head “I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic” his voice suddenly sounding a lot sadder than before.

 

“Anyways” Namjoon said clearing his throat, “I think you figured out my name?” he said raising his brow questioningly, Seokjin smiled proudly “Yeah, honestly I thought it would take months trying to get it out of you but Yoongi spared me a lot of time”

 

“So you intended to spend more time with me?” Namjoon asked grinning,

 

“That's not what I said” Seokjin said trying to defend his case but he knew he already screwed himself over when he mentioned the thing about it taking months.

 

“Don't worry I intended to hang out more with you too” Namjoon smiled as he offered his phone, Seokjin's heart stuttered as he took the phone and handed his own over.

He typed his contact information in record time and was mentally scolding himself because he met this guy a few weeks ago at a party at his house and he knew almost nothing about him and yet his heart was stuttering madly.

 

“We barely know each other yet though,” Seokjin said as he took his phone back, “what makes you want to hang out with me more, I'm not exactly someone who'd fit in with your friends” he said as he looked around in the group who consisted of people who could make everyones jaw drop.

 

“What makes you want to hang out with _me_ more?” Namjoon asked and Seokjin playfully slapped his shoulder “I asked a question first”

 

Namjoon laughed and Seokjin could listen to it all day,

 

“Alright but I was trying to make a point there, but we can get to know each other better right?” Namjoon said, “we could ask each other questions?”

 

“Like the game of 20 questions?” Seokjin said and Namjoon chuckled,

 

“Let's make it the game of 15 questions, I only have such little imagination of what to ask” he said, “We've got all the time we need”

 

 

And that's how things started,

 

“ _My first question for you,” Namjoon said, “Major?”_

 

“ _Medicine”_

 

 

Seokjin walked out of the classroom after having just _royally fucked up,_ as Yoongi always said, his test. He also got a heart attack when Namjoon popped up out of no where and asked with a dimply smile,

“How did your test go”

Seokjin swore he jumped at least ten feet into the air,

“don't scare me like that” Seokjin said as he hit Namjoon's shoulder, something that became a habit whenever the older found himself hanging around Namjoon.

 

“C'mon hyung I'm just being friendly why do you have to hit me” Namjoon whined as he grabbed his shoulder dramatically.

Seokjin rolled his eyes, “Because you deserve it and as for the test it went horrible and I will be sincerely surprised if I even graduate this year”

Namjoon looked at Seokjin with disbelief written all over his features,

 

features which became more attractive the more Seokjin got close to Namjoon,

 

“It's true don't look at me like that! I'll never become a doctor like this, with luck I might be able to become a janitor”

 

This time it was Namjoon who'd hit Jin,

 

“Hyung don't say that, I've met many medicine majors and you're one of the smartest I've met so far” Namjoon said and grabbed a hold of Jin's wrist and his heart skipped a beat “Believe me hyung!”

“alright” Seokjin had said and it was like a whole new motivation sparked up in his chest.

 

He got a B+ on his next test,

 

 

“ _Question 5, Parents?” Seokjin asked_

 

“ _I don't have contact with them anymore”_

 

 

Seokjin learned after knowing Namjoon for two months the reason why Namjoon doesn't have contact with his parents anymore,

Sadly it's when Namjoon had been drinking, so Seokjin wasn't sure if he had meant to tell him these things.

 

“I was born without a soulmark which is normal” he started, “But when after eight years there still hadn't appeared one, my parents knew I wouldn't have a soulmate”

 

Seokjin had heard the stories on campus, the boy with no soulmate a sad story about Namjoon's soulmark-less body. Seokjin had yet to hear it from the man himself,

 

“My parents were disappointed, they are very traditional and like to keep things the old fashioned way” he said, sadness edging in his voice “I knew I would never be how they wanted me to be, I started focusing on school and studies. I took advanced classes, I got straight A's but when I told them I wanted to major in music they told me what a waste of brain it was going to be, they told me I would _never_ find anyone that way if I was even lucky enough to find anyone for that matter.” Seokjin listened and felt tears well in his eyes and wiped them away,

“They told me that I wasn't going to be a son of theirs if I persuaded in music, that's when I decided that I didn't want to be a part of a family that could never be proud of me for who I am and what I wanted to do, I saved up enough money to try and get to Jeongyeon. I got offered a full scholarship in New Zealand and knew I'd be okay.” he said with a smile which was both happy and sad at the same time.

 

“So Jeongyeon and her family are basically your family?” Seokjin had asked

 

Namjoon had nodded,

 

“Blood makes you related but you choose who your family is” he'd said and Seokjin smiled, Namjoon was known for getting philosophical when he was sober but it was worst when he was drunk or a little tipsy in this case.

 

“You're right” Seokjin had said and Namjoon's hand intertwined with his,

 

“after two years I began to miss home and went back, Jeongyeon's parents insisted on paying for my scholarship and I promised to repay them but they keep refusing my offers,” Namjoon said.

 

“There's something I'd like you to know” Seokjin said as he lifted his head to meet Namjoon's gaze, Seokjin's face was red and hot “You can find someone without a soulmark,” he'd said before he closed their distance to let their lips meet in a kiss.

 

 

 

“ _Question 2, Best friends?” Namjoon asked,_

 

“ _Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok, yours?”_

 

“ _Yoo Jeongyeon and Im Jaebum”_

 

 

Namjoon had asked Seokjin out on a date after that night and he'd said yes, after dating for a bit Seokjin got the best friend check,

 

“So, I take you're Seokjin?” A tall guy asked, his ears adorned by piercings and a piercing through his lip, he had seen him with Namjoon the day they moved back into the dorms.

Jeongyeon was standing besides him, “He is” she smiled gleefully.

 

“I'm Jaebum” the guy said as he offered his hand, Seokjin took it “Kim Seokjin” he said, even more intimidated of him than before.

 

“You're serious with this?” he asked immediately, “You wouldn't be the first one to think they would never find their soulmate and of course Namjoon, a guy with no soulmate to leave you for, is the perfect option. But then after a few weeks or moths guess who appears out of nowhere, your fucking soulmate and you let Namjoon fall like a brick only to rebuild himself to be let down by the next one” Jaebum said, anger and sadness edging in his voice.

 

Seokjin stared at Jaebum for a while, his heart aching that this happened to Namjoon.

 

Jaebum's features softened after Jeongyeon had elbowed him and looked at him sternly,

“I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound so accusing but..” Jaebum said as Seokjin interrupted,

“I get it, you don't want him to get hurt and I have no intention of doing so”

 

Jaebum smiled, “That's good, you make him very happy”

 

 

Needless to say Seokjin's meeting with Jaebum went better than Namjoon's with Hoseok and Yoongi.

 

Namjoon tried to introduce himself but he didn't even get the chance as Hoseok already spat out a “Spare me” and Yoongi looked at Namjoon clearly not wanting to be there.

 

“I guess they really don't like me” Namjoon had said sadly to Seokjin,

 

Seokjin knew Namjoon really wanted to make a good impression,

 

“Guys give him a chance” Seokjin had said, everyone else liked him why are you guys so hard on him?”

After a lot of pleading they finally gave him a chance, although they were still as unexcited as ever.

 

They loosened up however when Namjoon brought up music and they talked excitedly about tracks and what they were working on, at the end of the day Yoongi said

 

“You're okay”

 

which made Namjoon's entire day.

 

 

“ _Question 13, Do you want to meet your soulmate” Namjoon asked uncertain,_

 

“ _No”_

 

 

Seokjin remembers the day his parents explained him what that name engraved on his shoulder blade meant,

 

“That's the person that's supposed to be perfect for you” his mother said excitedly,

“The one that will always be at your side no matter what” His dad added.

 

“He'll be like your best friend and more”

“You'll love them unconditionally and they'll love you unconditionally”

 

As a kid Seokjin was excited, he wanted to meet his soulmate, a best friend for life sounded appealing but when he met Yoongi and Hoseok he learned you didn't need to be soulmates to be best friends and thats when he stopped caring.

 

“Don't you want to meet your soulmate?” his little sister Dahyun asked,

Seokjin only smiled, “who needs a soulmate when I have you” he said as he hugged her tightly, she giggled which was Seokjin's favorite sound in the world.

“Then I don't want to meet mine either” She'd said at the time, looking down at her wrist where _Chou Tzuyu_ was neatly engraved.

 

 

She met her soulmate three months after that exact conversation.

 

 

His parents always told him not to bother with romance if it wasn't with your soulmate, they said those things would never work out. Someone would find their soulmate and someone would get hurt and heartbroken.

Seokjin didn't like to be the source of someones heartbreak and decided to follow his parents advice,

 

and yet here he was crying in bed as he wished for the name to magically disappear, that the face behind that name would never find him,

 

 

_Lee Jaehwan_

 

 

 

 

“ _Question 7 first crush and heartbreak?” Seokjin asked,_

“ _Those are two questions” Namjoon had laughed,_

“ _Just answer” Seokjin had huffed,_

 

“ _Jackson Wang”_

 

 


	2. The smile had finally faded from the apple of his eye

Seokjin had heard of Jackson before, he was the captain of the fencing team and best friends with Mark Tuan captain of the basketball team. Yet Seokjin had never really seen the man until a faithful college party.

 

Seokjin felt someone tap on his shoulder and he turned around to be faced with a man, dyed blonde hair, muscled arms and he was a little smaller than Seokjin but he had an intimidating aura around him.

 

“You're Namjoon's boyfriend right? Kim Seokjin?” The guy asked and Seokjin cursed Namjoon for having intimidating friends. He nodded and the man nodded his head to come and follow him.

 

They were standing outside of the raging fraternity house, surrounded by only a small amount of drunk people.

“I forgot to introduce myself” the guy said with a smile and Seokjin felt a lot more comfortable and less intimidated.

 

“Jackson Wang” he said,

 

“So you're” Seokjin started and Jackson nodded with a sad smile,

“I am” he confirmed “Namjoon's first boyfriend”

 

Seokjin noticed that on his collarbone there was a neat handwriting but he couldn't make out what it said, but he gathered as much that that would be his soulmark.

 

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Seokjin asked and Jackson sighed,

“Please if you have any intentions of leaving him do it now” Jackson said “He'll be sad but he'll get over it but, if you intend to stay and leave him later it will break him and I don't want that for him.”

 

“Is that what you did?” Seokjin asked Jackson carefully, the other man's shoulders tensed before relaxing again,

“Yes, I was stupid. I didn't need my soulmate, I thought. Namjoon made me happy and I made him happy and isn't that what counts but, god when I met Youngjae I swear it was like I had been standing in the shadow and cold for years and I had finally found the sun and warmth” Jackson said, it sounded so joyful with a hint of sadness, “Namjoon and I had been dating for five months and I just left him, and let him fall, I didn't speak to him because I was scared. I still haven't spoken to him but I ask Mark how he's doing and when he told me about you I..”

 

“You didn't want me to do what you did?” Seokjin said and Jackson nodded, “I have been a horrible best friend and I'm glad he's found a better best friend in Jeongyeon and Jaebum. He deserves someone who won't let him fall,” Seokjin nodded understanding “He's special you know, he has no soulmate he's chained to, he's free and wild and jumps into things a little fast” Jackson smiled,

 

“He's almost like water” Seokjin noted and Jackson nodded,

 

“If you don't hold him tightly enough he'll slip through your fingers, he'll splatter into little drops that will have to be build up only to have someone else lets him slip through their fingers” Jackson had said and Seokjin was sure he detected tears in Jackson's eyes,

 

“Please, don't let him slip through your fingers.”

 

 

“Don't let him fall”

“Don't let him fall like I did”

 

 

 

 

“ _Question 14. Describe yourself in one word” Namjoon asked,_

 

“ _Caring, you?” Seokjin said_

 

“ _Clumsy”_

 

 

Seokjin soon figured out why Namjoon had described himself as clumsy.

 

He was staying over at Namjoon's dorm, Namjoon still had classes but he told Seokjin that Jeongyeon and Mina would be there to let him in.

 

Jeongyeon excitedly told Seokjin about all the clumsy things he'd done in his life and that they gave him the nickname god of destruction.

 

Apparently Namjoon set the kitchen on fire once trying to make instant noodles, he's not allowed in the kitchen ever since, Jeongyeon said Namjoon would start a fire one day pouring milk. Mina nodded and she chuckled “He could start a fire with ice cubes if he's not careful enough” she'd said and Jeongyeon had tears in her eyes recalling the stories and making up scenarios where Namjoon would be able to destroy something.

 

By the time Namjoon came back they were all on the ground laughing about the time that Namjoon had accidentally untied someone's bikini top.

 

“that could happen to anyone” Namjoon said in defense,

“Yeah but get himself stuck in handcuffs doesn't” Seokjin said still laughing with Mina and Jeongyeon.

 

“You told him that too?” Namjoon whined, Jeongyeon nodded and could only mutter out a part of an excuse which she didn't mean a single word of.

 

 

Seokjin still remembers the day he decided he wanted to be a doctor,

 

Dahyun had fallen out of a tree and had broken her arm and a wound on her head, Seokjin was thirteen and she was nine.

Dahyun had a tendency to do the things she wasn't allowed to do, like climbing the giant tree in the park. Her hand slipped and she lost her footing and fell, Seokjin remembers Dahyun crying and blood running down her forehead. He'd reacted quick by pressing his brand new white jacket against her forehead trying to stop the bleeding, he instructed her to keep her arm against her stomach and not to move it as he carried her home where his mother greeted them with horror written over her face.

 

Luckily for Dahyun the wounds weren't that bad and she only had a few stitches and a cast, the doctor had told Seokjin he did a great job and Seokjin had never felt more proud in his entire life.

He told his parents he was going to become a doctor no matter what and they smiled as they told him to pursue his dreams.

Ever since he'd been very caring and making sure no one got hurt, which was a lot harder as Taehyung and Jeongguk added themselves to their group of friends.

 

This is kind of how he got the 'mom' status, which he disliked a lot because others would use it in a mocking way.

 

Seokjin remembers the first time he had to take care of Namjoon's wounds,

Namjoon had been stupid enough to engage in a fist fight with someone who was harassing Nayeon, Jaebum's sister and one of his friends.

The guy wouldn't stop bothering her about the fact she didn't have a clear soulmark and that it'd be impossible to find hers so she should settle with him. Nayeon clearly didn't want to and even after she told him to go away he didn't stop bothering, when Namjoon and Jaebum had asked the guy to piss off but the guy threw a punch at Namjoon.

Namjoon being Namjoon of course threw a punch back and that's how it broke out in a fight, Jaebum of course didn't stand and watch and engaged too which caused the friends of the guy to join in/

 

Seokjin thought Namjoon was bad off but according to Nayeon—who had brought Namjoon and Jaebum to his dorm, the others were worse off.

Namjoon had a busted lip, his chest was covered in bruises, Jaebum had a wound above his eyebrow and his chest was covered in the same bruises

 

“Idiot” Seokjin had said to Namjoon who grinned at him as Seokjin cleaned his wounds, occasionally hissing that it stung to which Seokjin replied with “Your own fault”

 

He admired Namjoon for standing up to his friend though he will never admit that fighting was the right way to solve this.

 

Nayeon was in the living room patching up Jaebum, apparently she was also studying meds and Seokjin only now recognized her from a few of his classes.

 

“You could've been seriously hurt Namjoon” Seokjin said, sadness in his voice.

“I wouldn't dare” he answered as he gently kissed Seokjin's forehead.

“I'm only doing this to test your knowledge” he joked and Seokjin slapped his shoulder and Namjoon hissed a little but chuckled, “not funny” Seokjin said and Namjoon kissed him on the lips as he muttered a 'sorry princess'

 

Later after Nayeon and Jaebum had left Seokjin began to think about what Namjoon had told him,

Nayeon didn't have a clear soulmark but she did have one which made him think of Jeongguk, he had a black smudge on his hip where the only visible letter an 'I' was. So Seokjin started to think about the possibility that maybe Nayeon was Jeongguk's soulmate but if she was Seokjin wasn't sure if he'd ever tell the younger.

He knew Jimin liked Jeongguk, Jimin had always liked Jeongguk even as kids Jimin wanted to be close to Jeongguk.

Where Jeongguk went there would be Jimin, but where Taehyung went there would be Jeongguk.

The three became inseparable and Jimin's efforts got brushed off as friendly more than romantic because Jeongguk has always oblivious to romance of any sorts.

 

But Jimin had a soulmate,

That's one of the main reasons he never told Jeongguk directly about his feelings, he didn't want to hurt Jeongguk if his soulmate would ever show up, but Jimin's soulmate had a foreign name and Seokjin had heard enough stories of people traveling the world to find their soulmates only to never find them.

If you look for them they'll never come, the name Park Jimin was also a very common name and it would be a wonder if his soulmate ever found him.

 

Jeongguk never minded it much, his parents had the same thing but found each other when they least expected it so he held hope.

 

Seokjin hadn't noticed the troubled expression he had until Namjoon pointed it out.

 

“You okay Jinnie?” He said as tightened his arms around Seokjin, who was laying on Namjoon's chest, and made him look up.

“Yes, 'was just thinking” he said absently.

“'m sorry” Namjoon muffled against Seokjin's hair,

“What are you sorry for?” Seokjin asked confused,

“For fighting with the guy, I know you were very worried. I won't do it again. _Probably”_ Namjoon had said and Seokjin sighed as he turned around to kiss Namjoon's lip softly.

“That's not what I was thinking about” he reassured “Although you better not get into fights again” he said and Namjoon kissed him and muttered an 'I will try' before being distracted by each others lips.

 

Namjoon and Seokjin had been dating for four months and thats when Seokjin decided to ask Namjoon about Jackson, he'd heard the story from Jackson's perspective before but he wanted to hear it from Namjoon.

 

“Joonie,” he started.

they were lying on the couch in the position they were often found in, Seokjin rested on Namjoon's chest as he held his arms around him and their legs were entangled together.

“Yeah” Namjoon had replied drawing circles on Seokjin's arm out of boredom.

“You remember telling me about your first crush and heartbreak right?” he asked making sure Namjoon remembered.

It took a little longer before he responded, “Yeah”

“Could you tell me about it” Seokjin asked as he turned to face Namjoon, who swallowed thickly before sighing. “of course, babe” Namjoon said smiling as he used the new nickname so easily making Seokjin blush.

 

“Back when I was a kid there were never many kids living in my neighborhood” Namjoon said.

 

“Where did you live?” Seokjin asked

 

“Ilsan”

 

 

Seokjin nodded as he let Namjoon continue,

 

“New neighbors moved in from Hong Kong, including Jackson, he was the only kid in my neighborhood apart from me and some who were already way older” he said, “We automatically became friends since we went to the same school and had similar interests. It all went so easy” Namjoon sighed, Seokjin listened attentively as he continued “When I was sixteen we started dating, I confessed but I thought he'd turn me down because of his soulmark but..” Namjoon trailed off, as if he couldn't continue, “He didn't turn you down” Seokjin said trying to help him and he got a smile back “Yeah, he said he didn't need his soulmate when he had me, he said he loved me and I said I loved him and that was that” He explained and Seokjin could still see the fond smile on Namjoon's face, Seokjin felt insecure for a moment what if Namjoon hadn't really moved on. A hit of anxiety waved over him but Namjoon brought his face up to his to meet his lips, Seokjin quickly melted into the kiss, when Namjoon broke apart he pressed their foreheads together and nuzzled his nose “Don't worry babe” he whispered “I love you so much more” he said before their lips met again and Seokjin's insecurities washed off of him in mere seconds.

Seokjin broke the kiss and lay his head in the crook of Namjoon's neck,

“as much as I like kissing you, you were talking right?” He chuckled and Namjoon smiled.

“Yeah, were was I?” he asked,

“Confession”

“Oh yeah, well after the confession we started dating. People told us from the start it was never meant to work, Jackson always told them he loved me too much to give me up. I guess you believe what you want to hear” He laughed bitterly making Seokjin's heart clench and he nuzzled his nose against Namjoon's neck who sighed contently before he continued,

“I had just turned seventeen when he met him” Namjoon sighed,

“Him? His soulmate?” Seokjin asked carefully.

“Choi Youngjae” Namjoon said, there was a hint of bitterness but his voice sounded more endearing.

“We were in Mokpo in a restaurant when we met him, we went there for my birthday to celebrate it. Youngjae was the waiter and he was awkward and clumsy to say the least but he was very determined and tried his best” Namjoon chuckled and Seokjin thought that maybe the boy was very similar to Namjoon.

“We learned his name after we asked for the waiters name to thank him and thats when we heard the name that was engraved on Jackson's collarbone. They exchanged numbers but Jackson said it was only to become friends. I was naive I thought he'd never leave me” Namjoon laughed bitterly again, “only three weeks later he broke up with me, he never told me why until I saw him with Youngjae again a few weeks later. They were at a café where I always met up with Jaebum. I can't believe I ever thought he'd never leave me because they all do” Namjoon said and this was the first time where Seokjin could hear the sadness in Namjoon's voice, the vulnerable side Seokjin almost never saw.

 

Seokjin hugged Namjoon tightly “I won't leave you” he whispered.

Namjoon smiled “I know,”

 

“I get it though,” he said and Seokjin looked up, “Why he left me for Youngjae, someone to match his own energy and brightness, someone with a laugh equally as obnoxious, cute people were more his type anyways” he sighed,

“Youngjae is a great person don't get me wrong but..” he drawled out “I sometimes wonder what it'd be like if we never encountered him or what if you'd met your soulmate, would've we ever had a chance?”

Seokjin's heart ached, it's been the first time Namjoon ever talked about something like this and it hurt to know he ever felt insecure like that.

 

And only then did Seokjin realize how lonely Namjoon has been, the only person who loved him left him for their soulmate. Namjoon's parents loved him of course, he says they didn't but no parent can have a child and not love it. Namjoon's relationship often lasted a month or less because sooner or later they found their soulmate. The only people that loved Namjoon were his best friends, Jaebum, who he had known after he moved in their neighborhood at the age of eleven becoming Namjoon's only other friend next to Jackson and Jeongyeon, a girl he met during a school trip to Suwon. The only people who were there for him before his relationships and after his relationships. The only people that could say they loved him and truly mean it.

Namjoon had heard it many times,

“ _I love you”_

But it was nothing but a mere lie, a promise with no meaning and no sincerity and Namjoon fell for those so easily.

 

People on campus called him dumb, foolish, hopeless and there were many stories of him floating around on campus.

 

“Babe, why are you crying” Namjoon said worried, Seokjin hadn't even noticed the tears streaming down his face. Namjoon wiped his tears away with his thumbs and pulled Seokjin higher up and they were sitting straight, Seokjin in Namjoon's lap and Namjoon was still wiping the tears away.

 

“I just..” Seokjin hiccuped and tried to stop the tears, “I just thought about how lonely you must've been and..” Seokjin was interrupted again by a sob “I don't want you to ever feel lonely again, I...” this time Seokjin was interrupted by a kiss, Namjoon pressed his lips gently against Seokjin's who melted into the kiss immediately.

 

“With you I don't ever have to be lonely again,” Namjoon said before he deepened the kiss with a pleased sigh from Seokjin.

 

 

 

Even after five months of dating Seokjin still had to hear the rumors and hushed accusing from people,

 

“ _It seems like the poor sucker has another hopeless catch, hasn't found his soulmate yet. I wonder how long it will last”_

“ _They've been dating for five whole months this is going to be a real heart breaker”_

 

“ _Poor Seokjin, another one of Namjoon's attempts at finding love. He's only in the way of their true love”_

 

“ _It's a dumb thing to do, relationships like that never work”_

 

 

Seokjin fought the urge to tell them they were wrong, he knew that Namjoon would rather punch them and he know that Yoongi gladly did the same only because he didn't like people talking in a bad way about Seokjin.

 

Seokjin knew that Jeongguk had already lashed out at some freshmen who twisted the stories, Jimin was once again the person who had to calm him down and get him away from the fight.

 

Seokjin went out to find them and much to everyones, but not his, surprise they were sitting in the shade of a tree where Jeongguk was draped over Jimin.

His head resting on Jimin's, his arms over his shoulders and Jimin was sitting between his legs.

 

Honestly this is how things had always been, Jeongguk had a short temper when it came to his friends. Talk bad about them and you most likely got a fist to the face from Jeongguk. Jimin was always able to calm him down, Jeongguk always hugged Jimin or Taehyung when angry to help him calm down. But Jimin's hugs were different, Jimin had always been smaller then Jeongguk making it easy for Jeongguk to drape himself around Jimin like that.

Back when they were kids that was the way Jeongguk would protect him, Jimin was a shy kid growing up and the easiest target for bullies. Jeongguk would always hug Jimin to protect him and maybe that's where Jimin's crush came from.

 

Of course due to Jeongguk's behavior at hearing the rumors like that and seeing him with Jimin like that they started saying he was just another hopeless person but Jeongguk didn't seem to care about what was said about him.

 

Yoongi groaned as he said that they should get together already and since then he and Namjoon had teamed up trying to get them together, soon Nayeon joined their pact with Jaebum and Hoseok. Taehyung, Dahyun, Tzuyu and Momo followed not long after and Seokjin didn't have a choice and had to follow suit.

 

The plans were stupid and almost child like but they seemed to pay off in some ways,

They once sent Jeongguk and Jimin out together to get the groceries making Jeongguk carry everything and Jimin being extremely flustered as to how determined Jeongguk was about making Jimin do as little as possible. They all left the dorm leaving them alone together which resulted in them falling asleep on the couch together and one time they even locked them up inside the gym and Seokjin wanted to face palm and he often wondered how they got Mark to give them the key but little did Seokjin know Jackson had something to do with it.

 

Their efforts paid off when Jimin and Jeongguk walked hand in hand through the hallways, Jeongguk walking proud and full of pride and Jimin shying away.

Their relationship got a lot of support from their friends of course, Dahyun claiming she saw it coming from miles away and that they never needed their help anyways.

Momo and Namjoon claimed that they indeed needed their help or nothing would've happened for a while, Jaebum, Nayeon and Yoongi said that it was definitely from the time they were locked in the gym.

Tzuyu and Hoseok were certain it was the time they fell asleep together, and Jeongguk and Jimin were embarrassed about the things their friends had done to try and get them together. They'd never admit that it indeed helped a lot.

 

After Jeongguk and Jimin got together they were not all that shy to show off their relationship, Jeongguk always walked Jimin to his classes, they held hands, kisses on the cheek and Namjoon suddenly was a lot more open with his affection.

Namjoon would try to spend every moment he could with Seokjin and he'd kiss him all over his face, he held his hand, cuddled him and Seokjin wasn't complaining but he wanted to know where the sudden change came from.

 

“I just saw Jeongguk and Jimin being so open and.. I don't want to keep it down because people might look weird at us I want to be able to treasure you as you deserve”

 

Seokjin turned a bright red as Namjoon pulled him to his chest chuckling.

 

 

Seokjin had planned something for their six month anniversary, Namjoon had never had any sort of anniversary with anyone and Seokjin wanted to celebrate it with him because against all odds they were still together and longer than anyone had thought.

 

Seokjin had planned a little dinner, nothing to special.

Namjoon went all out on flowers, he showed up at Seokjin's dorm room with a big bouquet of pink roses. He had told him how much he loved and adored him and Seokjin felt his cheeks heat up.

 

They went to the little restaurant not too far from the college campus and Seokjin was excited to celebrate it with Namjoon.

As soon as they walked in a waiter walked towards them with a friendly smile on his face,

“Reservation?” he asked kindly,

“for two, Kim Seokjin” Seokjin said calmly expecting to be brought to their table but instead the waiter stared a him,

“Kim Seokjin?” he asked

 

Seokjin nodded uncertain, not sure why the waiter was staring at him like that.

 

“I'm Lee Jaehwan” the waiter said and everything shattered into pieces, Seokjin saw Namjoon's eyes fly open in panic as the waiter seemed incredibly happy to find Seokjin.

 

The name he'd never hoped to hear, the one he'd never wanted to see the face of was now standing in front of him and his hands reached towards Seokjin's as Namjoon's seemed to slip away. Seokjin was frozen into place and his hand felt cold as Namjoon's hand slipped out.

Seokjin wanted to call out, he wanted to hold Namjoon saying he'd never leave and saying they could leave the building and never come back but he felt like he was rooted into the ground like some force was holding him there as much as he wanted to leave he couldn't.

 

But Namjoon could,

Seokjin looked back and caught a glance of Namjoon's face full of panic, terror and anxiety and he locked eyes with Seokjin and only then did he see the pure anxiety in his eyes and Namjoon stood still for a moment, waiting for Seokjin to say _something_ to tell him it will be alright but it never came and Namjoon walked out of the restaurant. He wanted to cry, Seokjin felt like crying but he couldn't and his face met Jaehwan's and his expression was the complete opposite of Namjoon's.

Seokjin wished he'd never seen this face, wished he'd never said his name, wished he had a different waiter and wished that he'd never went to this restaurant.

 

Jaehwan was talking to him but all Seokjin could think about were Namjoon's eyes filled with so many emotions and fears and Seokjin knew that he screwed up when he didn't say anything.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's this week's update!  
> Kudos, comments and feedback are welcomed <3


	3. No one wants you when you have no heart and I'm sitting here with my brand new scars.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: "I'll update once a week" 
> 
> Me In Reality: "You shouldn't because you need to write other things first and also you have a lot of school work also you have work and you'll never be able to relax" 
> 
> AnywAYS long overdue chapter 3 is here!
> 
> also I edited the tags.

Seokjin remembers the love stories Dahyun always made him read to her, two lovers who weren't meant to be and were separated but against all odds they found each other again and lived happily ever after.

 

Real life didn't work like that.

Seokjin looked into the eyes of his soulmate, and he felt sick.

Jaehwan looked at him with adoration, it was like some supernatural force kept him rooted where he stood. He wanted to run after Namjoon he wanted to scream at Jaehwan to let him be and to never come back.

 

Seokjin thought back to Namjoon who had just stormed out,

 

How much of a deja-vu,

 

Jaehwan took Seokjin's hand in his, it felt both so wrong and right and Seokjin wanted to pull his hand away but he let Jaehwan hold his hand.

 

“Was your friend okay?” Jaehwan asked concern adorning the features on his face,

“no” was what he wanted to say, but he couldn't get the words out.

“I'll check up on him later..” Seokjin said and Jaehwan smiled, obviously happy with the fact that Seokjin intended to stay longer with him.

 

“Wait up here, I'll ask if I can end my shift early” he said and Seokjin just nodded as the excitement in his voice was endearing.

 

Maybe he'd let Jaehwan comfort his sore heart,

 

 

“Namjoon, Joon” Mina was banging on his door,

Jeongyeon walked into the dorm panicked, “Where is he?”

Mina pointed at the shut door leading to Namjoon's room.

“Kim Namjoon open the goddamn door right now” Jeongyeon yelled, from the sounds in the other room it seemed like Namjoon made no intentions of opening the door.

“I'll call Jaebum to kick your ass” Jeongyeon said and they heard the door click.

 

Namjoon was lying on his bed, his gaze was looking straight up at the ceiling,

“what the hell happened, why are you so gloomy?” Jeongyeon's asked and Namjoon sighed,

“he found him” Namjoon said,

“Who found who?” Mina asked,

“Jin” Namjoon started, “He found his soulmate”

 

Mina immediately made her way to Namjoon's side, she gently put her hand on his shoulder. Jeongyeon however became angry,

“He just left you?” she yelled before Namjoon could reply, she already stormed off dialing Jaebum's number angrily.

 

Namjoon sighed as he turned to look at Mina's face,

“Are you okay?” she asked,

“I'm just tired” he sighed,

“Tired as in you want to sleep or..” and Namjoon sighed as she asked.

“I'm tired of even trying to get in a relationship, they never work out. I am here so god can mock me, he can laugh about my lonely existence. Maybe it's some sort of karma towards my parents, maybe he just despises me” Namjoon laughed bitterly as Mina brought her hand to her mouth,

“You've never been like this after a breakup” she said quietly,

 

Namjoon heard Jeongyeon yelling at the phone faintly in the background,

 

“This wasn't like any of my other relationships,” he said.

 

“I loved him, I _love_ him”

 

“Get some rest Joon,” Mina said as she stood up, Namjoon just nodded as Mina closed the door to calm her girlfriend.

 

 

“Jaebum, we're best friends right?” Namjoon asked as they were kicking a football back and forth to one another,

“Of course Namjoon, that's a dumb question” Jaebum said with a frown on his face. How could he think any different?

“my mom and dad yelled at me yesterday” Namjoon grumbled,

“Why?” Jaebum asked as he stopped the football, suddenly concerned about his friend.

“They told me I'll never get a soulmate mark or a soulmate and that I was a disappointment” he pouted, the way he could speak so light hearted about it made Jaebum sad.

“everyone finds someone,” Jaebum said, “If it helps I'll always be there for you” Jaebum showed him a toothy grin,

 

“You promise?” Namjoon asked,

 

“Pinky promise” Jaebum said as he held up his pinky finger,

“Pinky promise” Namjoon smiled as he intertwined his pinky with Jaebum's.

 

A pinky promise they had since they were eleven and one that has never once been broken.

 

 

 

“Jaebum,” Namjoon said as they were working on their science project together,

“hm” Jaebum hummed,

“you're my best friend right?” Namjoon started “So I can tell you anything without you getting mad or telling anyone else?”

“Of course that's a stupid question” Jaebum frowned, “you can tell me anything Joon”

 

“I like Jackson, a lot.” Namjoon said stuttering,

Jaebum smiled, “You should tell him”

“What?” Namjoon said surprised,

“You” Jaebum started, “Kim Namjoon should tell Jackson Wang about your feelings”

 

“You're insane man” Namjoon frowned and Jaebum grinned,

“Dude he's like totally smitten for you” Jaebum said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“But he has a soulmate to wait for, surely he won't date me”

“You don't need your soulmate to be happy” Jaebum deadpanned,

“But-” Namjoon said but Jaebum cut him off,

 

“You're going to tell him, he's going to say he likes you too. You're going to be a big happy sappy couple and you will annoy me to no avail but I will be secretly happy for you two” Jaebum said and Namjoon grinned, that was the end of that conversation.

 

 

Namjoon heard a knock from the door followed by a a familiar deep voice,

“Namjoon, can I come in?”

Namjoon didn't answer, he knew that Jaebum knew what the silence meant.

 

Jaebum opened the door and closed it behind him immediately,

 

“Hey there” Jaebum said and Namjoon smiled,

“Hey”

“How are you feeling?” Jaebum asked him as he sat down on the bed looking at Namjoon,

“Like shit but that's the usual” he said lightheartedly trying to ignore the heavy pain in his heart.

“Don't lie to me” Jaebum said sadly, “I know you feel like dying”

“You got me there” he laughed bitterly,

 

“You know” Namjoon mused, “Everyone has left me in some way for a soulmate but you've never left me for a soulmate, I'm seriously debating if you even have a soulmark because I'm pretty sure I've seen you naked and I have never seen a mark on your body”

Jaebum laughed, “Well I have one, I won't show but it's there” Namjoon smiled.

“if you say so”

“I got you some beer and chips, how about we drink and watch a dumb movie like we used to” Jaebum grinned as he lifted up a crate of beer and a bag of chips.

“I'm all in” Namjoon grinned.

 

Jaebum opened a beer bottle for Namjoon,

His soulmark will forever be something between him, Nayeon and their parents.

A name engraved in white behind his ear hidden by his hair,

_Kim Namjoon_

Namjoon had a soulmate, of sorts, Jaebum was placed on this world to be there for Namjoon, to love him as his best friend, to be a voice of reason, to take care of him and to make him happy.

 

God had mercy on Namjoon, he had given him Jaebum someone who would always be consistent in his life and a friend for life and Jaebum wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Jaebum glanced over to Namjoon who was staring at the laptop screen whilst nursing from his beer bottle, a good action film was always one of the best ways to distract Namjoon.

Jaebum didn't even remember Mina and Jeongyeon joining them but when the movie was over and most of the beer bottles were empty he noticed that Mina was asleep in Jeongyeon's arms whilst Jeongyeon was asleep as well and using Namjoon's chest as a support, Namjoon's long legs trapped both Mina and Jeongyeon. Namjoon's head resting on Jaebum's shoulder and Jaebum smiled as days like these reminded him of when they were kids except that back then they still had Jackson around.

Jackson would've been the one to use Namjoon as his support and Jeongyeon would lean against Namjoon if she was there on the holidays.

 

Jaebum still talks to Jackson but Namjoon had decided to cut him off, Jaebum understands Namjoon's reasons and at first Jaebum had also chosen to ignore him but he couldn't stay mad at Jackson forever.

 

Jackson tried and tried to get Namjoon to talk to him but Namjoon was damn good at ignoring someone, Jackson broke Namjoon's heart after promising he never would which was enough reason for the younger to stay mad.

 

Namjoon moved his head a little getting more comfortable leaning on Jaebum's shoulder and Jaebum sighed in annoyance but he could never be annoyed at his friends.

He decided he'd try to sleep too, it was already past twelve and Jaebum wasn't really feeling to walk to his dorm.

 

 

The break up spread like wild fire,

 

Seokjin showed up at college with Jaehwan now holding his hand with a big smile plastered on his face as he walked Seokjin to his first class, kissing him goodbye and leaving to attend his own classes or go to work and Seokjin left college with Jaehwan taking him out on a date or driving him back to his dormitory which wasn't even that far from college but Jaehwan always insisted on bringing him back home.

 

Seokjin tried, he really tried to truly love Jaehwan but at the same time he tried his hardest to let Jaehwan go and run back to Namjoon.

Back into the safe arms that guarded him from all harms and mean words.

 

Seokjin hadn't seen Namjoon ever since, Namjoon did a good job at avoiding him like the plague.

Namjoon went to school when he felt like it, he sometimes skipped classes or sometimes even entire days,

the glimpses Seokjin caught of Namjoon were horrifying,

the once so bright smile was no where to be seen, bags under his eyes, hair tousled and his eyes never sparkled like they used to.

Arms often bandaged up, sometimes came to college with a blue eye or other bruises that were the result of fights.

 

All of Namjoon's friends gave him the cold shoulder and cold glares except for Nayeon which Seokjin appreciated since he enjoyed her company a lot.

The worst glare that Seokjin had gotten was the one from Jackson and Jaebum,

Seokjin almost broke out in tears as he raised his head to meet theirs, their eyes held so many emotions, anger, sadness, disappointment and betrayal.

Jeongyeon and Mina hadn't completely given him the cold shoulder, but he could still tell they were angry at him but were good at disguising it.

 

Yoongi had been the one to drag Seokjin from class to class because if he were to walk alone through the halls he might end up breaking down.

Jeongguk had sent death glares to every student who had said something bad towards Seokjin.

 

“What a coward!” Jeongguk had said frustratingly,

“Jeongguk” Jimin said trying to calm him,

“No! He manages to stay out of everyone's sight, whilst Seokjin hyung has to hear what everyone is rumoring about him”

Seokjin listens to Jeongguk's angry rant, feeling a dull ache in his heart.

 

Namjoon brought the bottle of beer back to his lips as the girl, who he'd forget after two minutes, let go of his lips walking back to the dance floor where she joined her friends again.

Namjoon had a cunning smile displayed on his face, men and women alike glancing at him.

 

This is how Namjoon dealt with his break ups,

drink, dance, kiss, drink, dance, kiss and repeat.

Usually it worked but every time his lips were connected to another set of lips he felt an ache in his chest. None of them could match against Jin's, none of them were as soft and plump as his, none of the kisses felt as good as his and none of the tongue's danced around with Namjoon's like Jin's.

 

Namjoon put down the beer bottle again as some guy had boldly placed his arm around Namjoon's neck and straddled his hips.

Namjoon smirked at the slightly smaller man who was blushing slightly, probably indicating that he didn't do this often.

 

Namjoon slowly kissed the collarbone as he worked his way up to his jaw,

The boy was panting when Namjoon reached his mouth,

Namjoon faintly recognized the boy as he got a good look at his face, he was often around Mark, Jinyoung and Yugyeom.

“Hello 'Mook” Namjoon grinned as he kissed the jaw of the boy who let out a surprised gasp,

“you actually know me?” he said as Namjoon came up to his lips again,

“of course” he mused, Kunpimook shied away for a moment as Namjoon came up to meet his lips again.

 

Kunpimook was a good kid and deserved more than what Namjoon was giving him but Namjoon spotted the engraved name on his neck and he knew that he had someone to wait for.

 

Namjoon kissed Kunpimook to try and forget the ache in his chest and it almost went away for a moment.

 

 

Seokjin lets Jaehwan kiss away his worries for the time being, let's Jaehwan cuddle with him making him feel as if he were laying between Namjoon's arms.

 

“I love you” Jaehwan murmured to Seokjin as they were cuddled in bed,

Seokjin's sleepy eyes shot open,

 

he doesn't say anything, he's panicking,

he can't say it back, as much as he wants to make himself believe he does he can't.

He doesn't love Jaehwan, he only loves Namjoon, the one who has been going to college whenever he feels like it for three months, who he has seen kissing all kinds of guys and girls, who has spent more time drinking then studying, Seokjin knows Namjoon is having a hard time dealing with it but he highly doubts Namjoon will ever take him back.

He's even seen him getting a little closer to Jaebum than before they were dating.

 

Seokjin felt odd, Jaebum and Namjoon were close, best friends since childhood does that to a relationship, but he'd seen Jaebum reach for Namjoon's hand on occasions. He'd seen the two friends getting too close for Seokjin's comfort even though Seokjin wasn't dating Namjoon anymore.

 

Seokjin pretended to sleep as Jaehwan pressed him closer to his chest.

Seokjin waited until Jaehwan had fallen asleep to untangle himself from his grip and turned around, his back turned to Jaehwan as the tiny sobs left his mouth and the many unshed tears fell down on the pillow as he thought back to all those nights he'd spent in Namjoon's arms,

he hated how Jaehwan was the one wrapping his arms around him, he hated how it were Jaehwan's love bites and hickeys that were marked on his skin, he hated how Jaehwan was the one who took his hand in his, he hated how Jaehwan was the one to kiss him, he hated how Jaehwan was the one dropping him off at college and yet he couldn't hate Jaehwan.

 

He was sweet, kind, caring and funny.

 

Seokjin thought back to the first time he met Namjoon,

 

something about Namjoon intrigued Seokjin, he wanted to know more about Namjoon and once he did he was craving for even more.

 

Jaehwan and Seokjin only met because fate was cruel, fate decided that they should walk around with each others name on each others body.

 

Seokjin didn't want anything to do with fate,

all he wanted was to be with Namjoon, to feel the tight grip of his arms around him, to feel Namjoon's chest rising and falling as he rested his head on it, to see Namjoon's face first thing in the morning, to have Namjoon be the one to hold his hand, to carry Namjoon's love bites on his body, to thread his fingers through Namjoon's hair and so much more.

Seokjin felt his heart ache at the thought,

his eyes were sore, red and puffy from crying, he had lost Namjoon he had lost his pillar, his support the one who was always there for him, the one who gave him everything and asked nothing but love in return,

his _soulmate_

 

Seokjin looked out of the window, the full moon was shining brightly surrounded by beautiful stars.

Seokjin smiled a little as the sky reminded him of Namjoon, mysterious and dark but with a beautiful shining layer.

 

 

 

 

Namjoon was sitting in his room, he stared out of the window as he sat on the floor.

His back pressed against the bed that once used to be one of his favorite places,

because _he_ would be there to wake up with.

 

It hurts,

It hurts so bad,

to see Seokjin walk with Jaehwan, to see them kiss, to see them leave to see that mark on Seokjin's body that he tried to cover up.

 

It hurts how Namjoon kisses others to forget, it hurts to be reminded of how pathetic he is, it hurts to be reminded of _him._

 

Namjoon glanced down to his arms, the bottle of pills in his grip,

 

_anti-depressants_

 

and he glanced down to his wrists to see blood seeping out of them,

his tears were salty on his lips as he brought the bottle to his mouth,

he the pills fell into his mouth, he swallowed them with difficulty.

 

With the little strength he had he walked over to his window where he looked at the sky,

the moon was lonely as stars surrounded it, the moon was different whilst all the stars were the same.

The moon had the sun, but the sun was also a star.

 

The moon was meant to be alone,

 

Namjoon was the moon, different from everyone else, a love for someone who was different and rather be amongst the other stars where he belonged to shining the brightest of all.

 

Namjoon felt his body go limp as he fell to the ground with a loud thud,

 

he thought back to Jeongyeon, Jaebum and Mina,

his best friends who were always there for him,

he smiled as he thought back to their happy memories,

even Jackson was there,

he wanted to forgive Jackson but he never could, not face to face that's why he wrote it down.

Namjoon was never good at talking about his feelings, he was good at writing.

He wrote songs and poems since he was able to write,

the first time he wrote a song was when he was seven, he wrote a song for Jeongyeon about how much he loved her and how she was his best friend,

she cried and even after many years Jeongyeon still threatened him saying he could never ever tell Mina.

 

The first time Namjoon read out a poem was to Jackson,

it was cheesy and bad but Jackson smiled with tears in his eyes and kissed Namjoon.

 

He thought back to Seokjin,

as much as he wanted to hate him he couldn't, he loved him too much.

That's why it hurts so much, he'd leave Seokjin behind but he'd manage.

He loved Seokjin more than he had loved anyone, maybe he loved him even more than he loves Jaebum, Jeongyeon and Mina, maybe he even loved Seokjin more than himself,

no he definitely loved Seokjin more than himself,

Seokjin deserved a world he couldn't give him anymore,

 

Namjoon clenched his fist weakly, Jaehwan had to give Seokjin the world if Namjoon couldn't.

Seokjin deserved to be happy.

 

He glanced out of the window from the ground one last time, wondering if Seokjin was looking at the sky as well before he felt his eyes shut, he heard some commotion outside of his bedroom door but he couldn't make out what as all his senses gave up,

 

 

_''It's better to leave than to be replaced,,_

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are appreciated!


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